By Somebody’s Aunt
I was talking to my friend who lives in Louisiana recently. Here, in Michigan, the air was too polluted to go outside due to raging Canadian wildfires. There, in New Orleans, my friend was sweating it out in her house, 86 degrees inside despite the air conditioning working overtime.
In Phoenix it’s so hot that, according to the Washington Post, “If residents were to lose power for air conditioning, roughly half the city could end up in the emergency room.”
The list goes on and on and on. And I have to admit, when confronted by news like this, I am starting to think that global warming might be real.
I mean, am I convinced yet? No. Yes a good chunk of Michigan was under a tornado watch recently, but not in the city where I live. So, you know, not my problem.
And if global warming is really happening, then please explain Winter to me. Why does it snow in Michigan 8 months out of the year, huh? Riddle me that.
Yes, I know that most scientists believe that global warming is real and dangerous and have clear evidence to back up that belief. But not all scientists agree. There is a small, fringe group of scientists who say that global warming is just a woke hoax intended to disrupt the fossil fuel industry and hurt the incredibly rich oil and gas company CEOs who have done nothing but love America maybe a little too hard.
And in the U.S. we have an entire political party that is telling me global warming is some kind of antifa plot to empower environmental terrorists. To hear Republicans explain it, God intended man to rule over nature which means that if a company wants to build an oil pipeline under the Great Lakes or wants to walk away from costly environmental clean up, well, God has ordained it. And before you say, “But environmental catastrophes inevitably hurt the poor more than anyone else?” I’ve got two words for you: “prosperity gospel.” Maybe if the poor spent more time reading the Bible and less time being poor they wouldn’t be poverty stricken in the first place. I mean, I don’t know that for sure. But what I do know is that the prosperity gospel means that there is definitely no wider societal responsibility to help the poor and that’s good enough for me.
And what about the Americans who identify as global warming deniers? The left wants everyone to “respect identity,” but when someone says, “Global warming, my ass,” they’re treated as ignorant and uncaring rather than brave for expressing an opinion not accepted by the majority. What are liberals so scared of?
Then there’s the issue of parental rights. We shouldn't be teaching about global warming in school. First of all, it’s scary and might make kids feel bad. Second of all, it’s putting ideas into kids’ heads that they might not have had otherwise, like, “Tornadoes are bad” or “I should wear sunscreen” or “I want to drive a Prius.”
So clearly there’s no consensus on the issue of global warming and until this group of clearly reasonable people acting in good faith changes their minds, we have all the plausible deniability we need to say that global warming isn’t real and there is nothing that we have to change on an individual, nationwide, or global level. Everything is working just fine. Perfect. No notes.
That’s not to say I don’t worry. Like I said, I think there might be something to this whole global warming thing. I just need to do my own research.
That said, do I feel great about the state of the world that I am leaving to my children, nieces, and nephews? Not really. But it’s not my fault. I recycle. I’ve been recycling for years. The next generation may well wear oxygen masks and UV blocking suits on the daily that are made from plastic bottles that I personally put into my recycling bin. And if that’s not paying it forward, what is?
"Somebody's Aunt Has Thoughts About" is a work of satire. The Guerrilla Politic believes that global warming is real and supports organizations and political candidates who understand that letting the earth combust in the name of ignorance and corporate profits is completely unacceptable. Want to work with us? Give us a holler.